The Girl I Married

Twenty-five years ago today, I married my best friend. I really wasn't ready for such a big commitment, but who is? We walked out of the Salt Lake Temple as Mr. and Mrs. Van Leuven, both of us naive about the future but thankful we were sealed to each other forever.

Cathi and I in front of the Salt Lake Temple

It all started at Brigham Young University when I moved into a new basement apartment just north of the Cougar Stadium. A couple of cute girls caught my eye at church and I began dating one of them. Soon I was making frequent visits to her house to watch videos, eat dinner, and hang out. One Saturday night, while holding her hand, I became acquainted with another roommate I didn't know named Cathi Carroll. I was immediately drawn to her sense of humor and her traditional background and way of thinking. As my date fell asleep (still holding hands), Cathi and I talked and laughed well into the night and finally stopped shortly before we needed to get ready for our morning church meetings.

Cathi and I posed for a funny church ward directory while at BYU

Our friendship continued to grow. We began to spend more time together and confide in each other.  One night, Cathi told me she thought she would someday be an old maid teaching school somewhere down in Southern Utah. Although she poked fun at herself and said it with humor, I knew she really believed it and it made me feel sad. Cathi was an intelligent, witty, talented near college graduate who easily stepped into the background when others took center stage. She wore a lot of beige and a

This was a "Daddy Daughter Date;" Cathi is at the far right.

practical hairdo. She was raised by older parents in small, rural Heber UT where she grew up with much older siblings. As she grew into a young woman, she was keenly aware of the fact that she was a lot taller and larger than most girls her age. While other girls became involved in dancing, cheerleading, sports and boys, Cathi focused on her studies, accompanying just about every musical performance on the piano and working a part-time job nearly every night. Some of her best friends were the older ladies she worked with at Palace Drug on Main Street.

One night, I made a risky decision based on the fact that Cathi and I had built a strong mutual trust. I didn't want Cathi to live beneath her potential and felt a growing desire to help build her self-worth. To that end, I created a contract and presented it to her the following evening for her signature. The agreement made me her official "mentor" in helping her to become a new and improved woman. As part of the agreement, I gave Cathi a list of scary changes she needed to make such as diet, exercise, make up, hair style, etc. etc. Since I wasn't an expert in much of this, I pulled out photos of my old girl friends and suggested she look at them for ideas. Tacky, insensitive male, huh? I even went as far as banning all self-depreciating humor and encouraging her to serve a church mission (something that scared her to death). She signed.

This is the infamous contract

In time, Cathi made a pretty dramatic transformation. Not only did she lose a lot of weight and look more fashionable, her confidence grew in part from the positive comments she constantly received. My little contract got her started, but SHE took it from there with great discipline and willingness to take personal risks. As you can well imagine, I started to see her in a different light. This was no longer just my buddy who baked me brownies and listened to me go on and on about girls I wanted to date.

Here's Cathi in her new, daring dress trying to look like Linda Rondstadt on the cover of her album, "What's New?"

Cathi sitting on a couch in my bachelor's pad

I remember one night, in the beginning of all these changes, I took her to the Mormon Arts Ball on campus. I bought her a corsage and slapped on some cologne, really wanting to create a special night for her. We had a wonderful evening together (of course laughing most of the time). After bringing her home, we walked to her steps and I kissed her on the cheek. I remember feeling such a tender, protective feeling for this girl, my best friend. Within the next several months, I found myself falling romantically in love with the best kept secret in Provo.

Cathi's BYU graduation

Cathi graduated from BYU then received her call to the England Manchester Mission, a dream place for an English graduate. One evening, as we walked near the Provo Temple, I felt like I would burst. I knew for some time that I would ask Cathi to marry me but was very cautious...partly because I was scared to death and also because I could never hurt Cathi by showing any uncertainty about how I felt about her.

Cathi organizing books (imagine that)

I finally blurted out, "Cathi, can we get married when you return from your mission?" It was the first time I confirmed my feelings for her. Later, she told me she had felt a growing desire to be more than just friends with me but kept trying to convince herself this would never happen. We kissed and held hands for the first time. (I know, sick...) Within the next few days, upon the advice of several key people, including local church leaders, Cathi decided not to serve a mission and instead, marry me. (Yikes! Much sooner than I had planned on...)

I have congratulated myself a few times for rescuing Cathi from being an old maid in Southern Utah. However, soon after we married, it was quite evident that I would get much more out of this deal than she would. Cathi is responsible for anything about me over the years that is new and improved. She didn't do it with a silly contract but with years of consistent patience and faith in my ability to rise above my weaknesses. Her gift of humor has gotten us through more than one challenge. She has born our five children and some serious health challenges with great dignity. She has brought refinement into our home with her love of literature, music, and classic entertainment. Her world has not been one made of performance reviews, professional clothing, worldly recognition and bonuses...but one of stinky diapers, laundry, longing for adult conversation, worrying about teenagers, driving a van, and fixing dinner (even though she hates to cook). Cathi is the foundation that holds our fort together. She's obsessed with order and cleanliness...but mainly, she keeps a very cool head when there's a lot of drama going on. The greatest bargain I got when I married this unassuming, observant girl that never dated, was someone who can easily look past the superficial things in life and lock onto the things that are lasting.

Twenty-five years ago, I took my best friend away from her small hometown and showed her a life she never would have known. Over these past years together, she has led me to a better life and continues to give me hope that we will both someday know something far greater. And I still think she's the best kept secret in town!

Cathi with her dad on our wedding day

Cathi with her mom on our wedding day

Cathi and I on our wedding day

Cathi and I with my parents

Someday, Cathi and I want to achieve the love shown by some of the happy, old folks shown in this video...