In the Book of Mormon, there is a record of a family who traveled from the Tower of Babel to the American continent. The family of Jared soon received their first glimpse of a vast, stormy ocean, having been required of the Lord to crawl into some mysterious air-tight vessels they were promised would carry them safely to a better place. As they gazed into the deep, moving water, they breathed the unfamiliar sea salt and felt the ice cold water lap at their feet. "What will become of our family?" "Can we do this thing that God requires of us?"

These were the questions we asked as our family stood on the edge of a new journey in February 2011. Before Cathi was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer, we saw the waves of an unfamiliar storm brewing and felt the fear of anticipation. When the cancer was certain, our family was required to wade into the cold water, crawl into a mysterious vessel and trust the Lord would be in charge.

The family of Jared was given stones touched by the finger of the Lord that provided light inside their vessels "that they might not cross the great waters in darkness......and it came to pass that...(they) set forth into the sea, commending themselves unto the Lord their God. And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind. And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind. And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters. And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind. And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord. And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water." Read the rest: http://lds.org/scriptures/bofm/ether/6?lang=eng

This blog is the captain's log of our family's journey. It will serve to keep all of you updated on Cathi's condition but also be a place where I can express the lessons we are learning so that it might be a source of strength for others who are going through difficult challenges. We are certainly not unique in this regard. I hope to continue trusting in the light we have been given and to lead our family when we are encompassed by the dark ocean or tossed by its waves. We sincerely seek for your faith in asking the Lord to calm the water, give strength beyond our own and lead all of us of us to a better place.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Some Lists

I asked Cathi if she could tell me about all the weird ongoing symptoms she experiences from her chemo, surgeries, etc. Since most of you don't live with her, I thought it might be interesting for you to hear about her normal life in the form of this list...
  • dry lips
  • dry skin
  • dry nasal passage
  • diarrhea at times
  • constipation at times
  • swelling in her arms, hands, feet, and legs
  • metal taste in her mouth
  • cold sores
  • loss of hair
  • soreness in her chest and arms, particularly after her Nulastin injection that increases creation of her white blood cells
  • urinary tract infection (just one so far)
  • dizziness
  • blurry eyes
  • restlessness and fatigue (at the same time!)
  • inability to focus on things
  • lack of memory
  • sad moods (occasionally)
  • hot and cold flashes (especially at night)
  • sleeplessness at night
  • lack of appetite (at times)
  • nausea (only once for a straight hour)
  • fluid retention (for a few days after chemo)
  • sensitivity to the sun (got a sunburn after just a few minutes)
  • unhealed wound where the port was put in her chest
  • constant cough and weird voice because of damage to vocal cords during surgery

Here are the things that bring Cathi comfort (to sort of counter-balance the negative symptoms):
  • Wearing a soft turban-like hat at night to keep her head warm
  • warm, long showers
  • back rubs from her wonderful husband
  • lots of soft pillows and blankets
  • staying indoors out of the sun (which comes naturally to her anyway!)
  • Tylenol, Tums, Imodium and Colace...some of her over-the-counter medicines of choice
  • the two anti-nausea drugs Compazine and Kytril (they work miracles to prevent nausea for the first 6 days after chemo)
  • medicated lip balm (given as a gift from a friend who recently finished chemo)
  • Ativan (a drug she takes the first week after chemo that helps her to sleep at night)

Although you will rarely hear Cathi complain about this whole experience (and more likely hear her make light of it), this is NOT the easiest thing in the world. The effects of the chemo are much more than physical. Cathi explains that because the drugs affect her concentration and cause restlessness and fatigue at the same time...and because the treatment spans so many weeks, it's really easy to slip into irrational thinking and forget that it will end. Fortunately, the timing of the worst effects have been fairly routine. She gets her chemo on a Tuesday and will be fine Tuesday and Wednesday. Somewhere around Thursday, the worst will start kicking in and she'll suffer through until Saturday when she starts feeling a little better.

The good news is that she is on the downhill side of this.  By August, the chemo will be done and she will start on a 5-year regimen of hormone therapy, which will be another fun adventure (but nothing like what she has been enduring).

I'll end with another list...things I (we) have gained as a result of this experience...
  • new friendships
  • stronger old friendships
  • Food (I think of the many meals we've received as some of the "perks" of cancer and I'm sad at the thoughts of these ending someday!)
  • hugs from strangers
  • flowers
  • greater sense of family
  • learning what the power of faith means and learning to rely upon it
  • courage
  • perspective
  • an appreciation for Cathi's beautiful eyes
  • humility
  • awareness of little things
  • greater love of nature
  • greater love of good music
  • enthusiasm for life
  • learning not to sweat the dumb stuff
  • flexibility
  • expressiveness
  • general, stronger connection with people
  • chance to prove my love to Cathi
  • new appreciation for her
  • new dependence upon the Lord
  • gratitude

Thanks to all of you who continue to pray for Cathi and serve our family in so many ways.  We are very blessed!
Posted by at 3 comments:
Labels:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)